Choose your interpretations wisely [49:12]

Continuing with looking at the Quran for guidance on relationship wellbeing, in verse 12 of Chapter 49, Sura Hujarat, Allah [swt] addresses the believers and gives us another key:

يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا اجْتَنِبُوا كَثِيراً مِّنَ الظَّنِّ إِنَّ بَعْضَ الظَّنِّ إِثْمٌ

"O you who believe! Avoid much suspicion. Indeed, some suspicions are sins." [Surah Al-Hujurat 49:12]

Human minds are meaning-making machines. Every moment of every day, we are interpreting what we see, hear, and experience and trying to make sense of it. We do this by filling in the gaps in our knowledge and making assumptions. The problem is that many of our assumptions are negative and often incorrect. [there is good reason for this which we will not go into here]

This Quranic verse serves as a powerful reminder to be cautious with our thoughts and interpretations—especially about others. Negative assumptions can lead to unfounded suspicion, misunderstandings, and broken relationships.

The trap of negative interpretations

Have you ever noticed how easy it is to assume the worst about someone's intentions?

• A friend doesn’t return our call—we assume they are ignoring us.
• A colleague speaks in a short tone—we assume they are upset with us.
• Someone forgets to invite us to an event—we assume they don’t value us.

Did you notice that all these assumptions are about interpreting someone else’s behaviour as personal to us. In many cases these interpretations are based on our own insecurities, past experiences, and ways of thinking rather than the reality of the situation. We project meaning onto events that may have little to do with us. The truth is that much of what other people do is based on their own "stuff" and has little to do with us. And yet, we are sooo quick to take everything personally, leading to unnecessary distress for ourselves and stress in the relationship as well.

The Quran reminds us to be mindful of this tendency in Surah An-Nur (24:12) as well:

لَوْلَا إِذْ سَمِعْتُمُوهُ ظَنَّ الْمُؤْمِنُونَ وَالْمُؤْمِنَاتُ بِأَنفُسِهِمْ خَيْرًا وَقَالُوا هَذَا إِفْكٌ مُّبِينٌ

"When you [first] heard about it, why did not the faithful, men and women, think well of their own people, and say: This is an evident falsehood?" [Surah An-Nur 24:12]

This verse refers to an incident where rumors were spread about someone in the community. Instead of believing false accusations, the Quran advises believers to think well of others, give them the benefit of the doubt and resist the temptation to accept negative interpretations.

The double standard that we apply unconsciously

Generally, when we are judging ourselves, we judge ourselves by our intentions and give ourselves the benefit of the doubt. [I never meant to hurt her] and when we are judging others, we judge them by their actions and do not consider their intentions [he said this and it hurt me]. In fact, we sometimes go further and assume negative intentions as well [s/he did this intentionally to hurt me].

The impact of negative assumptions

Here is the thing: our assumptions shape our own emotional and mental well-being and harm relationships.

1. Negative Assumptions Create Anxiety– When we assume the worst, we feel unnecessary stress, resentment, or insecurity.
2. They Damage Relationships– When we approach others with suspicion rather than trust, we erode intimacy and connection. People can often sense the weight of our judgement of them and distance themselves from us.
3. They Distort Reality– Over time, if we continuously expect negative outcomes, our minds become wired to see negativity even when it isn’t there. And you know, how the saying goes . . . we create the reality that we continuously think about.

The Prophetic Model: Give 70 Excuses

The Holy Prophet (saw) and the Imams (as) encouraged us to give people the benefit of the doubt rather than rush to negative conclusions.

Imam Jafar al-Sadiq (as) is reported to have said: "If you hear something about your brother that you dislike, find seventy excuses for him. If you cannot, then say: Perhaps he has an excuse that I do not know of."

Imagine how different our relationships would be if we applied this wisdom:

• Instead of assuming someone is ignoring us, we could think: Maybe they are overwhelmed with responsibilities.
• Instead of assuming someone is being rude, we could consider: Maybe they are having a bad day and need support rather than judgment.
• Instead of assuming betrayal, we could reflect: Perhaps there is a misunderstanding that I am unaware of.

This mindset does not mean we ignore red flags or allow mistreatment, but rather that we practice interpretations that lead to our mental and emotional wellbeing and we avoid unnecessary suspicion and misjudgment that can weaken relationships.

How can we choose better interpretations?

The good news is that we can train our minds to challenge negative assumptions and choose more balanced, helpful interpretations.

1. Pause Before Reacting– When we feel triggered by someone’s words or actions, take a deep breath and ask:

o   Is this the only possible explanation for what happened?

o   Could there be another perspective I haven’t considered?

2. Consider Alternative Reasons– Instead of assuming someone is being rude or dismissive, consider other possibilities:

o   Maybe they are having a tough day.

o   Maybe they didn’t realize how they came across.

o  Maybe their behavior has nothing to do with me at all.

3. Ask Rather Than Assume– If something bothers us, instead of making assumptions, we can communicate openly:

o   "I noticed you seemed quiet today. Is everything okay?

o   "I didn’t hear back from you—just wanted to check in."

4. Let Go of Unhelpful Thoughts– Not every thought deserves our full attention. We don’t have to believe everything we think. If a negative assumption isn’t serving us, we can let it go.

While we cannot control every thought that crosses our minds, we can choose which thoughts to nurture, believe and act upon.

When we choose trust over suspicion, we experience greater peace. When we choose understanding over judgment, we strengthen our relationships. And when we choose compassion over criticism, we create a more harmonious world
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Wishing you a day full of spiritual fulfillment, positivity, purpose and peace.