Giving the gift of correction [16:125]

We have been exploring the Quranic injunction to encourage good and stop evil in society. Coming back to the metaphor of the village, we could say that if encouraging good builds the village and forbidding wrong protects it, then correcting with wisdom is what keeps it from fracturing.

Because let’s be honest, this is where things often go wrong. It is how we give feedback or offer correction that drives people away. So the problem is often the delivery of the message.

In verse 125 of Sura Nahl, Allah says: 

ادْعُ إِلِى سَبِيلِ رَبِّكَ بِالْحِكْمَةِ وَالْمَوْعِظَةِ الْحَسَنَةِ وَجَادِلْهُم بِالَّتِي هِيَ أَحْسَنُ إِنَّ رَبَّكَ هُوَ أَعْلَمُ بِمَن ضَلَّ عَن سَبِيلِهِ وَهُوَ أَعْلَمُ بِالْمُهْتَدِينَ 

[16:125] Call to the way of your Lord with wisdom and goodly exhortation and have disputations with them in the best manner; surely your Lord best knows those who go astray from His path, and He knows best those who follow the right way.

Here the Quran spelling out the principle of how: how to invite people towards righteousness. It commands us to do so with hikmah [wisdom] and maw‘idhah hasanah beautiful exhortation. Exhortation is not a word we use frequently. It is a strong, passionate or urgent plea encouraging someone to take a specific action or follow a certain course. In other words, “to strongly advise”

To qualify for a “mauadatul hasna” we need: 

1.     the basis of love [which we discussed yesterday]
2.     Start by connecting/building a relationship 
3.     a good intention [correcting not from ego] 
4.     and the skills of communication
5.     Privacy
6.     Empathy  

 A foundation of relationship

I often think of how the Holy Prophet [saw] spent 40 years building a relationship of trust and credibility with the people before Allah [swt] asked him to preach a single word. People loved him for his honesty and trustworthiness. 

When faced with rudeness or ignorance, he responded with patience, building connection before correction. He “opened people’s ears” to his message because he spent the time to connect with them. He understood something fundamental: credibility and relationship determine receptivity.

Without relationship, advice feels intrusive. With relationship, it feels protective.

The Intention Beneath the Words

Before we speak, we must examine our intention. Is this about benefiting the other person, or about relieving our own frustration? The purpose of feedback must be to benefit the other person. Is it about Allah, or about ego? Our tone reveals our heart.

People can sense when correction is rooted in care and when it is rooted in superiority. Even if the words are identical, the spirit behind them is felt.

How do we know that we have a good intention when we are correcting someone? Do a self-check. What do you feel inside? Morally superior or loving and compassionate? 

Now let us move to the technology of feedback, the skills of communication. 

Why Delivery Matters: The Psychology of Threat

Neuroscience explains something that our tradition has long understood. When correction is delivered harshly or publicly, the brain perceives it as a threat. The amygdala activates. Fight, flight, or freeze responses kick in. Rational thinking shuts down.In that state, growth is nearly impossible.

When correction feels like humiliation, it triggers shame: “I am bad.” Shame produces defensiveness, withdrawal, or aggression. It rarely produces transformation.

But when correction is framed as behaviour-based, “What you did was not okay, and you can do better because you are better than this”, it activates guilt rather than shame. Guilt focuses on action. It preserves dignity while inviting change. The difference is subtle but profound.

Correction needs to be delivered in a kind and gentle tone. 

Remember when Nabi Musa [as] is going to invite and admonish Firaun, he is told to speak a “qawlan layyan”, a soft gentle word. Why? Because there was a chance that Firaun might hear. If it was harsh language, it was certain that the conversation could not move forward. 

Islamic ethics consistently protect dignity. Imam Ali (as) your admonition to the wrong doer in the presence of people is to humiliate him. In other words, you must talk to him in private. Correction, when necessary, should be private. Privacy preserves honour and dignity of believers which our faith holds in very high importance. 

The most effective correction often begins with empathy. “I struggle with this too.” “I’ve been there.” “This is hard for all of us.” The “we” frame lowers defenses. It communicates solidarity rather than judgment.

Start With the Bigger Picture

Sometimes we make the mistake of obsessing over details while neglecting foundations. A young person who already feels spiritually anxious does not need someone walking around checking the position of their pinky toe in prayer. [true story as related by a young person]. They need the love of Allah [swt] nurtured first. The understanding of why the soul needs salaat. When the heart is anchored in His love, refinement of Sharia follows naturally.

Correction detached from the bigger picture of mercy and purpose often backfires. When people feel constantly scrutinized and judged, they may distance themselves entirely. This is one reason why so many young people have turned away from the faith. 

Wisdom means knowing timing, context, and capacity. Not every wrong must be confronted immediately. Not every setting is appropriate. Hikmah is discerning when to speak, how much to say, and when silence may actually preserve the greater good.

Tell Them What To Do Instead

One practical principle is this: tell people what to do instead of only telling them what not to do.

Instead of “Stop gossiping,” try “Let’s change the subject.”
Instead of “You’re being selfish,” try “Let’s think about how this affects others.”
Instead of condemning littering, say, “The volunteers must be exhausted so let’s make it easier for them.”

It turns out that what works with children, also works with adults and redirection is often more effective than reprimand. Clear alternative behaviors are so much easier to adopt than abstract prohibitions. People need a pathway, a guideline of what to do instead of what they are currently doing. 

Does following all these principles ensure that your advice and guidance will be accepted? Of course not! Without these principles, however, the chances are so much slimmer.