Stop the blame game and accept responsibility [14:22]

Here is today's reflection from the Quran:

In Sura Ibrahim, verse 14:22, the Quran says: And do not blame me but blame yourselves.

Reflection: This verse from Surah Ibrahim is part of a conversation when on the Day of Judgement mankind attempts to excuse their actions by blaming Shaytan for misleading them.

Here is the full verse:

And Satan will say, when the matter has been decreed, "Verily God made you the Promise of truth; and I made you a promise, but I failed you. And I had no authority over you, save that I called you, and you responded to me. So do not blame me, but blame yourselves. I cannot respond to your cries for help; nor can you respond to my cries for help. Truly I disbelieved in your ascribing me as partner aforetime. As for the wrongdoers, surely theirs shall be a painful punishment.

Shaytan is telling mankind that instead of blaming him they should blame themselves. In other words, Shaytan is declaring that he was simply the influencer, he planted thoughts and ideas in human heads. In verse 4:120: He makes them promises and stirs in them desires, but Satan promises naught but delusion.

The choice on whether or not to act on those thoughts always lay in human beings themselves. He could not "make" them do anything.

In the Islamic tradition, although there are demonic forces within and external to the self that can prompt one to do evil, they cannot compel one to do evil. Thus, Shaytan can only attempt to lead us astray by inciting them to evil actions by means of whispering or suggesting evil. And interestingly, while this was his life mission, he knows that ultimately, his influence is limited by the extent to which mankind takes action on his suggestions. And he says to those that followed his suggestions, I had no authority over you, save that I called you, and you responded to me"

In other words, paying heed to those evil whisperings within ourselves, does not exonerate us from the responsibility for our actions.

This verse is so applicable to our modern world because we continue to explain and excuse our behaviour on a number of factors outside ourselves over which we have no control.

Blaming others for our choices in life is SO easy isn't it? It also feels good in the moment because we do not have to deal with the pricks of conscience or negative emotions that accompany our poor choices and actions.

Ultimately however, blaming others is immobilizing and creates a feeling of powerlessness.

Why?

If we convince ourselves that power and responsibility lies outside of ourselves, and our life circumstances or someone else is to blame for what we are doing, it follows that we have no control or agency to change our situation. We need to passively wait for circumstances to change, or others to make the changes, or the next move. This leads to a victim mentality. Not a very inspiring way to live, is it?

The reality is many of us may have gone through significant trials and situations in our lives when we had very little power or control, especially as children. We learnt to cope as best we could. As we age and mature, however, naturally more options of action and choice open up to us.

We have been give free will to make choices in our lives, however limited or unpleasant those choices appear in the moment. When we accept this gift and responsibility of choice, we begin the journey of spiritual maturity and of changing the circumstances that we find ourselves in.

How? Remember when we were children and got caught doing something, we would point to our sibling and say: "S/he made me do it!". Well some of us have not outgrown this habit even as adults.

Start catching yourself each time you are tempted to pass the blame onto someone else. Even for little things. When we start accepting responsibility for our choices, it is amazing how we automatically begin to make better choices for ourselves. Try it.

Practice moving your hands and legs when you are having negative thoughts to remind yourself that you are still in control of what you do, that your actions do not have to follow your thoughts or desires.

Possible barriers: Old habits. If we are using to "passing the buck" we may not even be conscious how often we play the blame game.

Shining the light of awareness on this takes courage. Let us start today.

Ayat in action: If we were living this verse, we would be conscious of how our actions and choices have created our world. We would have a sense of agency in how our life is turning out. We would understand that while we others may influence our actions, no one can really make us do anything. That we have choices, that we make choices and those choices have consequences that show up as our lived reality.

Stopping the blame game and accepting responsibility for our choices is truly the first step on the spiritual path.

Caution: This reflection is in no way meant to minimize significant trials and situations that people find themselves in which greatly limit their options in the moment. It is so easy for us to look at others in challenging situations and see how they could make it better. AND we get no points for that. Please let us not use our reflection to victim blame or point fingers. It is much more challenging to apply the taking of responsibility to ourselves and that is the only way that it will be useful!